I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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