At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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