The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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