It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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