I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
