I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
