and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
