grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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