...so i touched it.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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