Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
