what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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