Fine. I'll sleep in my office
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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