Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
