Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
