is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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