So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Thank you for not boning my boss.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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