he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
