You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
