you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
