I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
