Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
