Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize