There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
