how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
