dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
