first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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