i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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