You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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