What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
