Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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