I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
