i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
