I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
