I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Why is your signature on my underwear?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Randomize
