I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize