Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
