im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize