Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
