new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
