Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
