How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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