just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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