Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
