just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
