the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
