I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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