You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Randomize
