You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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