I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
