...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
