There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
