i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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