somebody snuck up and got me drunk
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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