You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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