Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
