Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
