what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
