Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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