Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
