Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
