I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
