He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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