Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
