People in love make me want to vomit
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
