even my farts smell like vagina
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
