I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
