it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
