he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
