OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
