There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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